10/7 Duke Igthorp Is The Shit

No, 'Duke Igthorp' is not the name of some crappy indie band... but it would totally make a good one. That and 'Embryonic Llama'.

But seriously, want an idea of how much higher quality Gummi Bears is than The Snorks (you know, in case you couldn't see the difference in every aspect of the show)? Check out the Snorks theme song:

Come along with the Snorks
Swim along with the Snorks
So much to see
Waiting for you and me
Have some fun with the Snorks
Play along with the Snorks
Sing along with the Snorks
Happy we'll be
Living under the sea
Come along with the snorks
If you could breathe underwater
Where would you go?
If you had friends underwater who would you know?
Come along
Sing along
Swim along too
'YA!'
Come along with the Snorks
Swim along with the Snorks
So much to see
Waiting for you and me
Swim along with the
Have some fun with the
Come along with the Snorks!

Big finish on the end there, that's why I embiggened it. Mind you-- this eats up a full minute of an eleven minute cartoon, meaning that the animators were lazy and Hanna-Barbera was looking to save a few bucks. And what do we have? Basically, the idea, I guess, is that snorks swim. And that's fun. And if you weren't human and had gills or a big ass scuba tank, you might be able to build a good social support system underwater, and that would rule as well. We don't know shit else about the Snorks except that they look like sea-monkeys and would probably scare children if they actually existed. Note the classic rhyming of 'Snorks' with 'Snorks' and 'see' with 'me'. This is a truly terrible effort which two D-bags and a bottle of Cabernet could pump out in twenty five minutes.

Now contrast that with the G-Bears theme:

Dashing and daring,
Courageous and caring,
Faithful and friendly,
With stories to share.
All through the forest,
They sing out in chorus,
Marching along,
As their song fills the air.

Gummi Bears!!
Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummi Bears.

Magic and mystery,
Are part of their history,
Along with the secret,
Of gummiberry juice.
Their legend is growing,
They take pride in knowing,
They'll fight for what's right,
In whatever they do.

Gummi Bears!!
Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummi Bears.
They are the Gummi Bears!!

Decent rhymes? Interesting rhythm? No taking a play from the Don Henley/Busta Rhymes book of songwriting and just using the same word to end multiple lines? Someone actually took some time to write this theme, even employing some slant rhymes and interesting repetition of sounds. This song, which takes the exact same minute the other song does, actually tells an impressive amount about the Gummi Bears, including their mystical past, their Batmanesque love for justice (minus the revenge element), their source of power, their general agreeableness, etc. This is cartoon theme-song writing at it's finest (okay, the Super Chicken theme is actually the best ever written), and doesn't insult the intelligence of any but the pre-school age audience. Shame shame, Hanna-Barbera! Walt Disney was a racist, anti-semitic psycho, but he built a company that cares enough about cartoons to at least try!

Tummi Gummi 4-EVA!

Oh yeah, I wrote twice today and read a little. Then I Aaaate Fresh! and drank Just Goon until late into the chill evening.

Drink Count: 7

P.S. I totally love this picture like a mountain of cheesy breads.