I've been neglectful in bringing you distracting and stimulating stuff, so here goes:
Mom Reunites With Son Through Facebook: Take that, people who bitch and moan about the evils of social networking sites-- sometimes when the devil farts, it smells like pink Bubble Yum.
Congratulations, You Don't Get To Be President: Republican Presidential candidate Tom Tancredo has officially removed himself from the race by stating very publicly that in order to deter Muslim extremists, he would consider bombing Mecca and Medina, the two most holy Muslim shrines. First of all, Tom, we're not supposed to be at war with Islam, right? Just the crazy fuckers, right? Well, way to come up with a plan that ensures every single one of the 1,000,000,000 Muslims on Earth would hate us with a fiery passion! Second of all, maybe Mr. Tancredo isn't a geography whiz (or doesn't have the internet, an almanac, or people to filter the Crazy out of his ideas) but Mecca and Medina are both in Saudi Fucking Arabia, supposedly a trusted ally in the war on terror. (Note that Tommy Boy didn't consider going after the third most holy Muslim site, Jerusalem.) Way to go, cuntstrap, might as well drop out of the race today.
Victory is Mine!: Turns out what my mother has been telling me for over a decade is completely and utterly false-- cracking your knuckles in no way shape or form can be scientifically linked to arthritis. Turns out I have a better chance of going blind touching myself. WOO!
"For the most powerful nation on Earth to have an election in which Swift Boat veterans versus National Guard papers becomes a major theme verges on insane": For perhaps the first time ever, I can say I am a fan of Newt Gingrich. His scathing indictment of the media circus and 2-year long presidential race is hilarious and surprisingly incisive. Newt on debates: "These aren't debates. This is a cross between 'The Bachelor,' 'American Idol' and 'Who's Smarter than a Fifth-Grader.'" Newt on the candidate's job: "to raise the money to hire the consultants to do the focus groups to figure out the 30-second answers to be memorized by the candidate. This is stunningly dangerous." Newt on flip-flopping: "You begin to trap people. As the campaigns get longer, you're asking a person who's going to be sworn in in January of 2009 to tell you what they'll do in January of 2007, when they haven't got a clue -- because they don't know what the world will be like, and you're suggesting they won't learn anything through the two years of campaigning." I still probably would never vote for Newt myself, but at least someone is standing up and saying this shit.
Oprah Vs. James Frey - The Sequel: Nan Talese finally ripped into that big-headed, pain in the ass Oprah over her cruci-fiction (get it??) of Sir Frey of The Million Little Pieces.
MC Paul Barman, I love you:
"You make my karma puke!
You who refuse to disarm a nuke!
And keep reading Marmaduke!
Aaarrrrggh! More anger than Margaret Sanger
Sitting on a bloody coat hanger!"
Aaaaand what's funnier than babies eating lemons, I ask you? What, indeed?
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