Sexy, I know...Ate breakfast at The Wild Pig with a volunteer and his insanely old mother who had a fateful encounter with a centipede the night before; no deadly snakes or spiders in this country, just centipedes that grow a foot long and can kill a kid. At least I got a mosquito net finally (fuck those coils!) and went to the crazy little Chinese convenience store on the corner for flour. I spent a long time discussing ni-van culture with Susan and getting my ass kicked at Scrabble. Fried pasta and chili for dinner; too tired to even pour wine. I thought it was time for bed... and then I met the mouse... and then we did battle.
I heard the mother fucker before I saw him, and for whatever reason I named him Tanqueray. He was in the cabinet, rooting around like a son of a bitch. Now, Susan believes strongly in karma and in sharing, so she lets whatever the fuck wants to live there run free. So Tanqueray is entirely fearless-- a super-mouse if you will-- and I saw his little brown ass regarding me from the comfort of a woven pandanus mat. For some reason, this made me so mad-- I didn't wish him ill exactly, I just wanted him to vacate this room for the next week and a half. So I tried to make him leave. By force. But first I geared up: put on pants, shoes, and a sweatshirt and got two pieces of cardboard for poking and deflecting purposes. There were no boxes around to catch him in, and Tanqueray was no fool so I doubt that would have worked. He had dug himself into this cabinet full of little knickknacks, pieces of cloth, office supplies and woven mats, and I very gingerly removed one piece at a time, until I saw him. As soon as I uncovered him, he freaked out and ran straight down the side of the cabinet like The Roadrunner and directly under my bed. I knew he was hidden in the big mat down there, so I bent down and tried to drag it into the living room. As soon as I touched it, the little monster jumped again, this time directly at my face, and flew over my shoulder, and I swear to God on the way past he called me a pussy. But he was out of the room, so I slammed the door and went back to bed moderately satisfied; the entire operation had only taken 25 minutes (maybe I am a pussy). I fell asleep only to wake up an hour later to some rustling. That mother fucker was back, and with the light switch all the way across the room, I was trapped. Tanqueray knew he had won. I just tucked in the mosquito tight and turned Augustana up. Fucking animal kingdom.
Drink Count: 0
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